Rinse and repeat

When I was first applying to universities, everyone had warned me how time-consuming medicine was going to be. When I was confirming my university choices, everyone had warned me how time-consuming medicine was going to be. Now that I’m in the middle of my second year of medicine, it just hit me. I’m going to be doing the exact same thing for the rest of my life. 

Firstly, I applied for a summer camp job earlier this year. The position was going to pay me $1400. The only problem is that it’s a 9 week long post and they would need me in America for all of those 9 weeks. I can’t go because I don’t have even THAT much time off. And even if I did, how much studying can I get done as a camp counsellor? 

Secondly, the festival. I have been DYING to get Summer in the City festival tickets for London this summer. I got them anyway, but because the two-day festival is in the start of August, during my prep-leave for exams, I’m not 100% sure I can go. 

My best friend got me concert tickets for Ed Sheeran in London in October, but oh guess what, I have exams. 

Tomorrow I’m buying Justin Timberlake tickets (i don’t even like him all that much but this is probably my only chance at going to a concert for the next ten years) but I’m going to be missing classes to see it, because I don’t have time off in summer like everyone else.

 

So essentially, all my plans have gone tits up. I know that medicine is a tough field and I knew what I was getting into when I applied. But I think what makes it worse is that I’m not studying where I wanted to. It’s a long story as to how I ended up here. But everything happens for a reason, or so they tell me, so I’m here now and I’m trying to make the best of it. But it’s so hard to focus on why I’m here when the grass seems so much greener on the other side. It’s also hard to transition to a life in a country where I feel like I don’t belong, despite being born here. I speak the local language perfectly, so I’m not an outsider in that sense. But in every other sense. In the way I think and conduct myself on a day to day basis. What I like to eat, what I like to watch, where I like to spend my free time. I am an outsider and always have been and always will be. 

The people that surround me are also outsiders to this place. We’re all going through the same thing and it’s a little comforting to know that many more are in my position. But a part of me is still a little immature and although I never voice this opinion aloud, I just hate how the place I’m in is purely career orientated. There isn’t much regard for extra-curricular activities, almost as if taking your mind off of academia for even a millisecond is a big no-no. That makes it especially difficult for me. I play the guitar and piano, I ski, rock-climb, play tennis, football (not American, ew) rugby, netball and basketball. But since being here, how many of those things have I done? Zilch. 

So when I complain about how my plans for this summer have been foiled, yeah you might think I sound like a pampered little trust fund kid. But when you’re thrown into the deep end of the pool with no life jacket and all you do, day in and day out, is study…you’d be pretty messed up mentally too. Study, eat, sleep. Rinse and repeat. 

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4 thoughts on “Rinse and repeat

  1. I feel ya! :/ That last sentence ” Study, eat, sleep. Rinse & Repeat” … this says it all for anyone in medicine.
    There are times when you want to cry but can’t cz you’re so busy and actually have to schedule an episode of breakdown 😛 lol

    • Exactly. I wrote this entry when I was having a bad day, and it seems a bit petty to me now. But my friend just read it and told me that he related to this one the most. I guess internally we’re all fighting something and externally you just have to find a balance to deal with it, for the sake of your own sanity.

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